What Type Of Punter Are You!

What type of punter are you? 
The 9 different types of punters:

The Saturday Specialist 

Only bets on a Saturday because that’s when the big races are on. Often goes to local race meets, buys the programme and proceeds to do the form. Always wears a cheap suit jacket, and the lucky bowler hat that he picked up at an op shop 5 years ago. Thinks the hat makes him look like he is a celebrity, mainly Jude Law. Backs the same trainers and jockeys all day long.

Thinks He Is a Pro Punter

Buys “Best Bets” every week. Knows every trainer, jockey, strapper and his uncle owns a couple of nags. Talks up all his wins and how much he made from each win…..never hear about the losses. Still goes to the Tab as he has been banned by all the online books for winning too much.

Lucky Duck

This guy chucks $5 in a pokie machine and wins $200. Goes to the front bar and sees the name of a horse that he used to have a dog named after. Chucks $10 on to win and it wins by 6 lengths paying $20-1. Doesn’t bet for a month then does it all again much to the frustration on his “pro punter” best mate.


The Old Master

The old guy that sits in the TAB every day, sipping on his XXXX Gold stubby. Occasionally shows a little bit of emotion with a smile when he collects, but usually sits there all day while the younger blokes wonder if he is asleep or dead in his chair. 

Will one day have a chair or part of the bar named after him. He sometimes wears a bowler hat also, which is why the Saturday specialist thinks he too can win.


The Mug Punter

Follows every tip thrown out by whomever he hears it from, thinks they are all sure things and gets shitty when they lose. Goes and dumps his last $100 into a pokie machine and loses, watches the “Lucky Duck” go in and win it. Rage bets on a $1.70 greyhound, when it loses goes home and lives on two minute noodles for 4 days until payday. Swears he is off the punt, back on it next payday again. 


Look At My Win

You rarely see him around then all of a sudden pops up with a big win, look I won $5000 off this $25, he spent $6000 in multi bets before he finally hits one but that doesn’t matter, this is his time to shine. One month later the money is gone and he is trying again. 


The Grinder

Just keeps plodding along, bets most days and wins enough to keep betting without ever getting rich. Never brags just gets it done, it’s the first step on the way to becoming the “old master.” Is often unkept, unshaved and a bit smelly as he forgot to shower today because he was too busy live betting the NBA early games. Spends his lunch break on his phone looking for the next bet.


F*ck You Richmond, You Just F*cked My Multi 

This bloke lives and breathes multis, spends his whole day Friday looking through all the sports available to put together his 10 leg special for the weekend. Will often hit 9/10 all $1.40 favourites but come Sunday afternoon is asking if he should cash out his bet or let it ride. Decided to let it ride so he isn’t seen as a pussy regrets it 5 minutes into the game when his last leg is down 4 goals early in the game. When he finally hits a multi he becomes the “look at my win” punter.

The Pro Punter

Like the Lochness Monster, Bigfoot and the moon landing no one is even sure they exist. Many claim to be but are far from it. These guys you never see, they are ghosts hiding in their multi story house. They watch racing and sport on 6 of their 12 flat screens all at once, while their phone is permanently attached to their ear, ringing through their bets. They have a trophy wife, no kids and drive a Ferrari, often having thousands of dollars of cash just lying around the house.



Categories: opinion

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